Welcome and thank you for joining us for our “10 Steps for Finding Your Soul Mate.”
I’m Akeh .
In this program you discover:
- Ten steps for finding your life partner
- The "Triangle Test" to determine if you're ready for true love
- How to magnetize and attract your perfect partner
- How and when to say "No!"
- Where to find compatible partners
- And much more!
We know that one of your highest goals is to find your life partner. My mission and commitment is to help you achieve this goal.
So, let’s get started!
· We know you are here today because you are serious about finding the love of your life
· I congratulate you for taking this critical step - you recognize you want love now and you are willing to do something about it.
· Many singles who find that love is elusive, are very successful in other areas of their lives.
· Think about why that is so….
· If you are successful in your career it is because you applied yourself to the job, you focused on it and you made choices that contributed to your success.
· Finding your life partner is no different and yet so many people think their ideal mate is going to come knocking on their door without any effort on their part.
· You’re here because you are not complacent…you understand that finding the love you want means changing old patterns and behaviors.
· So let’s get started on the 10 steps to finding your soul mate.
Step # 1: Get Ready for Love
There are 3 aspects to getting Ready – I call them the Triangle Test! Here they are:
· Identifying your Readiness Issues
· Knowing what you want, and
· Having a Positive Attitude/Being Intentional
1. Identifying your Readiness Issues
- Ask yourself: What do I want to change? What ‘baggage’ am I carrying that that will hold me back from having the relationship I truly want?
o Do you need to improve key areas of your life before you will be ready for a relationship? Perhaps it’s your financial situation, your health and fitness, or emotional or mental state - especially if you suffer from low self esteem or depression.
o Maybe you share an apartment with someone you don’t get along with and need to change your living conditions.
· Once you have identified the changes you need to make, ask yourself what is my plan for affecting change and what are the actions steps I need to take to achieve my goals?
· This phase of Step 1 is really about cleaning out what isn’t working in your life and starting with a fresh slate.
2. The 2nd part of the Triangle test is ‘Knowing what you want’
· Sometimes assessing what you DON’T want –is a good place to start. Look at previous relationships to understand what went wrong and why?
o What are your key learnings from those relationships?
- For example, if your last relationship broke up due to differing views about how to manage your finances because you are a careful money manager and your partner was a spendthrift, perhaps one of the traits you want in a future partner might be financial responsibility
o Also look at the positive elements of past relationships. This will provide additional clues to determining what you want
· Figure out your deal breakers
o Be clear on what you MUST have in a relationship including how you expect to be treated by your partner.
o What is non-negotiable? A good example is children – you can’t have half a child – this is a non negotiable requirement, so remember a deal breaker is always black or white.
o Mine your values and life vision – what are they? How clear is your vision? How do your values reflect they way you want to live your life?
o Understanding your life vision and values plays a critical role assessing compatibility with a potentialpartner.
o Know that the love of your dreams will honour, cherish, and share your values and vision. You won’t need to compromise on core values when you have the right mate.
o By the way, recent US studies indicate that 69 % of all marriages fail because the couple had different life visions – this is a crucial insight into what makes a successful partnership.
3. The third and final part of the triangle is Having a Positive Attitude and Being Intentional
· Be happy in your life and with yourself – be grateful for what you have .
· Look at life from a half full versus half empty perspective.
· Live your life as a successful single – don’t put your life on hold while you wait for your partner to show up.
· Get involved in new activities; pursue your interests. And Have Fun!!
· Believe that love can and WILL happen for you this year and make the decision to find your soul mate.
Step # 2: Acquire the Information and Support you Need
- Learn how to get what you want by the acquiring information, tools, skills & support you need to develop an effective Relationship Strategy.
- Operating under old patterns won’t work – you need to evolve new behaviors and paradigms.
- If you need help – get it. You are not on your own. Don’t be afraid or ashamed of getting help to achieve your relationship goals.
- This is the most important area of your life – do what it takes.
- You can get our personal support at www. EnterYourWebsiteUrl.com
Step # 3: Be A Magnet by Being Yourself
- It is important to accept and love yourself. Your presence in this world makes a difference.
- Understand that the love of your life will want to be with you and will love you BECAUSE you are you, NOT IN SPITE of who you are!
- So don’t pretend to be anything you are not - The more you honour yourself and are authentic, the easier it will be for your mate to find you – you will become a magnet attracting and guiding your partner to you.
- Why - Because you are exactly what your soul mate is looking for!
Step # 4: Don’t Compromise – Be the Chooser
- Assess potential mates based on how they fit WITH YOU!
- This is your life – live it fully, the way you want, with the person you want.
- Don’t settle for less than what you deserve.
- Don’t think you can CHANGE someone! You can’t,
- Don’t rush into love. Take the time to evaluate whether a potential mate meets ALL your requirements (these are the non-negotiable deal breakers)
- Get to know the person and test them against your list – Do they FIT what you want?
- As soon as a requirement is not met – get out! Recognize there is no future in that relationship and cut your losses – remember if you are unavailable because you are with the wrong person, you may miss the RIGHT one.
- You compromise and “do the work” in committed relationships, not when dating to find a partner
- If someone doesn’t choose you – don’t feel rejection. Understand that it simply means you are not a good fit and be grateful that he/she saved you from wasting time.
Step # 5: Balance your Heart with your Head
- Love and lust are heady. There are a lot of hormones swirling around in your system!
- Often logic doesn’t prevail, and that’s where we can get into trouble!
- Understand that the initial strong attraction you have to a new partner is not based on ‘real’ love, it is driven by hormones. Eventually the chemical reaction will subside to reveal whether you are truly compatible.
- While attraction is an important element in a great relationship, a truly wonderful and lasting relationship balances chemistry and compatibility.
- So take it slow and steady. Finding your soul mate isn’t a race. No matter how urgently you want to make a decision and move forward, there is really no such thing as a relationship emergency!
- Imagine thinking you’ve won the race only to realize you won the booby prize - a failed relationship. That would put you back at the starting line once again.
Step # 6: Take Risks and expand your Comfort Zone
- Don’t get stuck in pointless, unsatisfying relationships with people who are not compatible – you will only be wasting your valuable time.
- Become more approachable – smile and engage in conversation with strangers (use common sense and be safe)
- Get out of your usual comfort zone and take some risks to experience things you might not usually do. No one is successful staying in their comfort zone.
- Be open to recognizing the opportunities – say yes when you might want to say no!
- Be active in your search for a partner. Put as much effort into finding your soul mate as you would into finding your ideal job.
Step # 7: Don’t be Afraid to Say ‘NO’!
- Increase your personal power by being assertive and exercising boundaries, saying “no” to what you don’t want and taking responsibility for getting what you do want.
- This is especially true for women who have been trained to say ‘yes’ and be ‘good little girls’. Don’t put up with behaviors that you don’t like and don’t be coerced into doing anything you don’t want to do.
- I d like to share a real story. One of my clients has spent a great deal of time refining her relationship requirements and she is very clear about her deal breakers. Because she is very successful, two of her requirements for a partner are generosity of spirit and financial health.
- She met a man for a coffee date at a restaurant and once she was seatedhe pulled out a bottle of water from his backpack and advised her that she should go ahead and get something for herself.
- What do you think she did -!! Do you think she spent an hour of her valuable time getting to know this man !
- Well she didn’t…his message of cheapness was so loud and clear that she was able to sort him out! She thanked him for his time, wished him well…then she left!
- So, give yourself permission to trust your inner guidance system, even when it goes against ingrained behaviors. Your voice speaks to you for a reason – listen to it!
Step # 8: Expand your Network
- Even in today’s world of the internet, most people find their soul mate through someone they know
- Tell your family and friends that you are looking for a serious relationship and exactly what you are looking for. Don’t be shy!
- Cast your net wide – be out there pursuing your interests
- Increase your circle of friends and acquaintances
- Recognize that friends and acquaintances also know single people – maybe they know your future mate!
Step # 9: Use the 5 Power Tools
You can bring the dream of your ideal partner into reality by using these 5 powerful tools:
- The 1st is Visualization
- ‘See’ the dream. Have a crystal clear vision of the relationship you want. Keep refining and making it more real.
- The 2nd is Feeling
- ‘Feel’ the emotions – joy, happiness, contentment, safety, love, etc. Allow yourself to experience how you will feel when you have your soul mate in your life.
- What will you feel when you awaken each morning to your partner….how will you feel as you kiss goodnight?
- The 3rd is Law of Attraction
- We always attract what we think about- whether it is what we want or don't want.
- What we think about, we bring about. Bring your soul mate into your life.
- Our lives are a physical manifestation of the thoughts that go on in our heads.
- Our ‘job’ is the ‘what’ – it is not up to us to figure out the ‘how’ – that is the job of the universe. So don’t worry about how or from where your partner will come, just paint the picture, feel it and believe it will be.
- The 4th is Practice
- Practice visualization and feeling to accelerate the Law of Attraction and Set aside a specific time each day to practice
- During meditation, or when you are in bed at night and in the morning - visualize and feel those wonderful emotions of having your partner with you
- The 5th and final power tool is Faith
- Believe that you are deserving of the love you want and have faith that it will be delivered to you
- Don’t give up! Anytime you are tempted to give up, go back to yourvisualization and feelings.
Step # 10: Learn and Practice Dating Skills
- Three types of relationship skills for singles-
- Social effectiveness skills (with anyone)
- Dating skills
- Intimacy skills (being a couple)
- Learn and practice:
- Flirting skills
- Conversation Ice-Breakers
- Four steps for Conscious Dating- Scouting, Sorting, Screening, Testing
- Listening to your inner voice (not your inner critic)
- Not taking things so seriously (tomorrow really is another day)
- Being your authentic YOU
- Applying the Golden Rule – treating everyone the way you would like to be treated
- Practice does make perfect. It will give you confidence and you will feel more comfortable each time you practice a specific skill.
Those are my 10 steps for finding your soul mate We would like to thank you for participating and hope this presentation provided insights into finding the love of your life.
Note: OPTIONAL - Also, if you are serious about finding your soul mate and want to kick start the process, join our 6-week‘Conscious Dating Relationship Success Training for Singles. During this 6-week programme you will be guided through the all the steps needed to prepare for and find your life partner. For more information and to register please use the link below to book for a free strategy session with Akeh : https://akehb.acuityscheduling.com/
The Fourteen Dating Traps
A “dating trap” is an unconscious relationship choice that results in an unsolvable problem in a relationship. Getting out of the trap often means leaving the relationship.
When you are single, you can do a lot more than you realize to avoid these traps and prepare for a lasting and successful relationship.
1. Marketing Trap
You believe that you need to make yourself more appealing to attract and ‘sell’ yourself with an attractive packaging and presentation. When you fall into the Marketing Trap, you fear that nobody wants you as you really are. By marketing’ yourself, you risk disappointment and relationship failure. So when the excitement and promise of the ‘sizzle’ conflicts with the reality of the ‘steak’, one or both of you are left feeling disappointed and angry.
Authenticity. You will attract compatible people when you show them who you really are: “Birds of a feather flock together.” Just be yourself. Don’t present a fake you.
2. Packaging Trap
You focus on outside packaging – such as someone’s body, looks, job, wealth, material possessions and overlook the reality of the person inside. The Packaging Trap is the opposite of the Marketing Trap: instead of seeking to sell yourself with attractive packaging, you focus on the packaging of others.
Look beyond the outside packaging to areas of real compatibility. This doesn’t mean you should forget about chemistry, but put it into perspective, understanding it is only one element of what you require in a successful relationship.
3. Scarcity Trap
You believe there is a limited supply of possible partners, and therefore think that you have to take what you can get or be alone. The Scarcity Trap results in relationship failure because there is a temptation to settle for less: you believe you can’t get what you really want because there is not enough to go around. Unfortunately it is a self-fulfilling prophecy because when you expect less, you get less. As well, you will always be on the look-out for someone ‘better’- just in case.
Define your first choice of what you really want and persevere. Trust that if you apply yourself you can get what you really want in your life. You must be able to say “No” to what you DON’T want, to be available to say “Yes” to what you DO want. You have the power to choose who, what, where, when, and how, and can get what you really want if you make effective choices aligned with your Vision and Requirements.
4. Compatibility Trap
Assuming that if you have fun together and get along well, you are compatible and a committed relationship will work. This results in relationship failure when discovering the vast difference between a fun-focused, recreational dating relationship and a serious, long-term committed relationship. The process and criteria for choosing a recreational relationship needs to be very different from choosing a Life Partner.
When you are ready for a Life Partnership, define your Requirements and use them to scout, sort, screen and test potential partners. Do not try to convert a recreational relationship into a committed one, unless 100% of your Requirements are met.
5. Fairytale Trap
Passively expecting your ideal partner to magically appear and live happily ever after without effort on your part. Believing that finding your soul mate will just “happen.” This results in disappointment when the frogs that happen to jump into your life don’t become princes/ses.
Take personal responsibility for your relationship choices and outcomes. Have effective scouting, sorting, and screening strategies. Initiate contact and be the “Chooser,” don’t simply react to people that choose you.
6. Date –To – Mate Trap
Becoming an ‘instant couple’ as if giving each person you date an extended test drive. Believing that if you develop an exclusive relationship with someone you are dating, a successful committed relationship will eventually happen. Other terms for this are ‘Serial Monogamy” and the ‘Mini- Marriage’. This approach is a costly use of time and emotional energy. The inertia in this trap is pressure to make the relationship work, attempt to resolve unsolvable problems, and fit a square peg in a round hole because breaking up and being single again is an undesired outcome.
Date a variety of people and have fun without being exclusive. When you are ready for a
committed relationship define your Requirements and use them as tools to scout, sort, and screen potential partners. Make a careful relationship choice and consciously use a “pre-commitment” period to determine if this is the right relationship for you.
7. Attraction Trap
Making relationship choices based on feelings of attraction. Interpreting a strong physical
attraction to someone as a sign that the relationship is a good choice and ‘meant to be’. This
approach results in relationship failure when unsolvable problems surface because you ignored the red flags while infatuated. Unconscious choices usually result in repeating unproductive past patterns. Attraction is like the radar that helps you find your target. But the Attraction Trap occurs when you blindly follow this radar.
Balance your attractions by defining your Requirements and use them to scout, sort, and screen potential partners.
“Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come ninety percent of your happiness or misery.” (H. Jackson Brown, Jr. from “Life’s Little Instruction Book”).
8. Love Trap
Interpreting infatuation, attraction, need, good sex, and/or attachment as love. “If it feels good, it must be love,” “Love conquers all,” “All you need is love.” You feel so in love that you believe it must be a good relationship. After the initial infatuation is gone, you spend the rest of your time together just trying to get it back.
Make conscious relationship choices by defining your Requirements and use them to scout, sort, and screen potential partners.
9. Sex Trap
Focusing on the chemistry under the covers by interpreting sex as love; using sex as a kind of compatibility test (if the sex is good then the relationship will be good as well); or becoming emotionally attached and considering yourself in a kind of committed relationship as soon as you have sex.
Make conscious relationship choices by defining your Requirements and use them to scout, sort, and screen potential partners. Understand that a relationship needs more than great sex to thrive.
10. Rescue Trap
Hoping a relationship will solve your emotional and financial difficulties and bring you happiness and fulfillment, something like winning the lottery. You avoid taking responsibility for your life challenges, expecting to be rescued from them. Results in desperation, neediness, and relationship failure when your problems multiply instead of disappear.
Define your Vision for your life and relationship and “Live your Vision” as a successful single person. Resolve emotional, financial, and other problems prior to seeking a lasting committed relationship. Seek to be in a position of “choice” and “want” rather than need.”
11. Co-Dependant Trap
You expect someone to love you and give you what you want by giving the other person what he/she wants. You attempt to earn love and happiness by acquiescing, giving, and helping. You really want to be in a relationship. You feel that you are not worthy as you are, and need to earn love. You pursue relationships hard because you feel incomplete when you’re not in one. You want to be the hero and therefore seek someone who wants to be helped. But you learn the hard way that although it feels good to be needed, someone who needs you is not necessarily able to give you what you need. Needing to be needed often results in unconsciously attracting and choosing a relationship with a person who needs you – but as you later discover is unable to give you what you want or need.
Define your Vision and Requirements and choose a closely aligned partner. Learn to be assertive, identify and ask for what you want and need, identify and assert boundaries, and develop the ability to say “No.” Be the “Chooser” and cautious of people that choose you!
12. Entitlement Trap
Believing that you deserve to be happy and get what you want in your life without effort or changes on your part. Results in relationship failure as you rely on your partner to bring you happiness and fulfillment. This inevitably results in disappointment. If you continue to do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get the same results.
Take personal responsibility for your life and relationship. Define your Vision and Life Purpose and live them when single.
13. Virtual Reality Trap
Believing that what you see is what you get. Making hasty long-term relationship decisions based on short-term impressions and inferences instead of actual experience and knowledge. Getting involved in a relationship focusing on potential, hoping that some things that you really need to happen will get better or change over time. Results in seeing what you want to see. Relationship failure results when later reality doesn’t match.
Assume “you don’t know what you don’t know” and stay in a “pre-committed” stage until you have solid experience and knowledge that this is the right relationship for you. Finding a life partner is not a race – it is a journey. Don’t rush to win the booby prize!
14. Lone Ranger Trap
You live your single life focused on your goal of finding your life partner, believing that you don’t need anyone else in your life. You evaluate people you meet for their relationship potential only and do not take the opportunity to cultivate new friends. Results in isolation, perception of scarcity of potential partners and risk of settling for less than what you really want because you don’t want to be alone.
Develop a support network/community of friends of both genders and be supportable by enrolling them to scout for you.