Create your own outcomes



One of the hardest things that took time for  me to accept is that I create my own outcomes, whether I like them or not, my failures as well as my successes.

Theres no way you can create a positive outcome without inner peace. To enable you create the outcome that you deserve , it is apparent to have inner peace with yourself, remain calm and unmovable at every time.


I strongly believe in taking ownership for my life, choices, and outcomes, so much so that I call it The Most Important Relationship Skill. While my actions and choices largely determine my outcomes, as silly and incongruous as it might be, I also believe in “fate” or “destiny,” that things happen as they’re meant to happen. This force can also be called “The Law of Attraction,” which helps me to embrace and accept “what is,” believing that I’m exactly where I need to be, going where my life purpose needs to go.

I don’t believe in chance or randomness. Things happen for a reason. When something happens that I don’t like (divorce, car accident, etc) I’ve found that if I ask myself “What’s the purpose or reason for this event?” I can always come up with one pretty easily, especially if I’m honest with myself. And darn it, the answer always seems to be something I need to learn, something the Universe is trying to teach me, that I’m resisting. As RCI coach LeAnn O’Neal says “Each painful moment is an opportunity for new expansion.” I’ll try to remember that next time…


Ever since I was born , I was figuring things out but I finally “got” that “what you resist, persists,” and learned to examine and accept life’s lessons. My attitude used to be “I know” and “I can handle it” and “I have it under control” (hey, at least it wasn’t “It’s their fault” and “Why me?” and “I deserve it!”). Now my attitude is a little more humble, such as “What do I need to learn?” and “What’s the reason or purpose behind this?”

I’m very clear now that my outcomes are determined by how I show up, which is largely driven by my attitudes. What’s inside shows up on the outside and what I’m thinking will become reality, so I must monitor and make conscious choices about what I allow my thoughts to focus upon. Wow, not only do I need to take responsibility for my actions, I have to own the consequences of my private thoughts and beliefs!


If you’re single and would prefer to be in a fulfilling relationship, I’m playing with the idea that the most important coaching question for you is “Why are you single?”

“Why” doesn’t mean “What happened?” or “Whose fault is it?” In this case “Why” refers to big picture questions such as “What is the purpose or reason for you being single at this time in your life?” and “What do you need to learn that is getting in the way of your relationships?”


If you’re single and want a life partnership, what are the major life learnings or lessons that must be mastered before you can find your soul mate and live happily ever after? Here are five possibilities that occur to me-

  1. Heal old wounds (emotional baggage)

  2. Learn relationship skills (we’re not born with a manual)

  3. Learn to accept responsibility for your life, needs and outcomes

  4. Identify and change unproductive habits and patterns

  5. Identify and change unproductive attitudes and beliefs

 As I look back on all the events that happened in my life that didn’t go the well like the time I had to fend for myself with no benefits, job and being pregnant ,  I can see they all happened for a reason related to one or more of the above that I needed to learn.

To paraphrase Jim Rohn, “Life doesn’t give you what you want, need, or expect; Life gives you what you need to learn.”

So, if you’re single  or you don’t have enough money to meet your needs, and you are reading this, why are you single at this time in your life?  Why are you not making enough money? What do you need to learn to find and have a fulfilling relationship?  What have you learn about your money stories?  What are you doing about these issues to bring the required changes? I  sincerely hope your answers to these questions lead you to the life and love that you really want.