One of the hardest things that took time for me to accept is that I create my own outcomes, whether I like them or not, my failures as well as my successes.
Theres no way you can create a positive outcome without inner peace. To enable you create the outcome that you deserve , it is apparent to have inner peace with yourself, remain calm and unmovable at every time.
FATE AND DESTINY
I strongly believe in taking ownership for my life, choices, and outcomes, so much so that I call it The Most Important Relationship Skill. While my actions and choices largely determine my outcomes, as silly and incongruous as it might be, I also believe in “fate” or “destiny,” that things happen as they’re meant to happen. This force can also be called “The Law of Attraction,” which helps me to embrace and accept “what is,” believing that I’m exactly where I need to be, going where my life purpose needs to go.
I don’t believe in chance or randomness. Things happen for a reason. When something happens that I don’t like (divorce, car accident, etc) I’ve found that if I ask myself “What’s the purpose or reason for this event?” I can always come up with one pretty easily, especially if I’m honest with myself. And darn it, the answer always seems to be something I need to learn, something the Universe is trying to teach me, that I’m resisting. As RCI coach LeAnn O’Neal says “Each painful moment is an opportunity for new expansion.” I’ll try to remember that next time…
Ever since I was born , I was figuring things out but I finally “got” that “what you resist, persists,” and learned to examine and accept life’s lessons. My attitude used to be “I know” and “I can handle it” and “I have it under control” (hey, at least it wasn’t “It’s their fault” and “Why me?” and “I deserve it!”). Now my attitude is a little more humble, such as “What do I need to learn?” and “What’s the reason or purpose behind this?”
I’m very clear now that my outcomes are determined by how I show up, which is largely driven by my attitudes. What’s inside shows up on the outside and what I’m thinking will become reality, so I must monitor and make conscious choices about what I allow my thoughts to focus upon. Wow, not only do I need to take responsibility for my actions, I have to own the consequences of my private thoughts and beliefs!
THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION
If you’re single and would prefer to be in a fulfilling relationship, I’m playing with the idea that the most important coaching question for you is “Why are you single?”
“Why” doesn’t mean “What happened?” or “Whose fault is it?” In this case “Why” refers to big picture questions such as “What is the purpose or reason for you being single at this time in your life?” and “What do you need to learn that is getting in the way of your relationships?”
WHAT DO YOU NEED TO LEARN?
If you’re single and want a life partnership, what are the major life learnings or lessons that must be mastered before you can find your soul mate and live happily ever after? Here are five possibilities that occur to me-
Heal old wounds (emotional baggage)
Learn relationship skills (we’re not born with a manual)
Learn to accept responsibility for your life, needs and outcomes
Identify and change unproductive habits and patterns
Identify and change unproductive attitudes and beliefs
As I look back on all the events that happened in my life that didn’t go the well like the time I had to fend for myself with no benefits, job and being pregnant , I can see they all happened for a reason related to one or more of the above that I needed to learn.
To paraphrase Jim Rohn, “Life doesn’t give you what you want, need, or expect; Life gives you what you need to learn.”
So, if you’re single or you don’t have enough money to meet your needs, and you are reading this, why are you single at this time in your life? Why are you not making enough money? What do you need to learn to find and have a fulfilling relationship? What have you learn about your money stories? What are you doing about these issues to bring the required changes? I sincerely hope your answers to these questions lead you to the life and love that you really want.
3 levels of consciousness:
1. Unconscious (awake but unaware):
This is when you forget where you put your keys, leave the headlights on and are surprised by a dead battery, drive past your freeway exit, etc. You’re simply not paying attention. If life is like an iceberg, when we’re unconscious we crash and sink before we see it.
2. Semi-conscious (aware of what’s in front of you):
This is when you’re sure you know what’s what. We believe that our stories (beliefs, interpretations, etc) and sensory perceptions (see, hear, feel, etc) are true and correct.
If life is like an iceberg, when we’re semi-conscious we’re aware of the iceberg and truly believe we know how to avoid it, then crash and sink because it’s larger than we thought.
3. Conscious (aware of the big picture):
This is when we humbly understand that ‘you don’t know what you don’t know,’ and realize that there may be more to a situation than we can see or understand at the time. We are aware of our goal and do our best to learn more about the situation and examine our options to make the best possible choice.
If life is like an iceberg, when we’re conscious we realize that we need to know more about what’s under the surface before making our choices about how to proceed.
Check the healing course here
Three Keys to Making Conscious Choices
1. Be clear about who you are and what you want
What’s the purpose of your life? What is your Vision for your life, work, and relationships? What are your requirements, needs, and wants in any situation?
Strive to lower the waterline on the iceberg that is your
Self to achieve the clarity you need to be motivated and empowered.
2. Stay focused on what’s important to you- don’t settle for less
Most people ‘lead lives of quiet desperation.’ They want to be happy, but don’t know how and don’t think it’s possible. However, the Law of Attraction can work for you or against you, and if you expect less, you’ll get less.
Go after what you really want in your life and assume you
can find the choices needed to be successful if you’re looking for them.
Check the healing course here
3. Be supportable- with enough help you can do anything!
We’re human, and no-one is successful alone. We need to be conscious of our support needs and proactively seek to get them met.
Continually ask yourself what help you need and who can help you.
Wishing you a healthy, happy, conscious 2017.
Check the healing course here, if you want to improve your life and relationships before the end of 2017.
Check out our healing course
1. Know who you are and what you want.
Like an iceberg, we are typically aware only of the tip, while our success and happiness depends upon what lies below the surface.
2. Learn how to get what you want.
Assess the information, tools, and skills you will need and acquire them. Develop creative strategies and action plans. "When you fail to plan, you plan to fail."
3. Be the "Chooser."
Take initiative and responsibility for your outcomes. Don’t react to what, or who, chooses you. Seek to create what you want in your life.
4. Balance your heart with your head.
Make your relationship choices consciously. It’s still exciting!
5. Be ready and available for commitment.
Live your life and bring your dating strategy into alignment with how ready you really are for a committed relationship.
6. Use the "Law Of Attraction."
Be the partner that you are seeking. Attract the partner that you want by developing yourself and living the life that you want. "If you build it, they will come."
7. Gain relationship knowledge and skills.
Prepare for the love of your life by learning about relationships, improving your relationship skills, and deepening your relationships with your family, friends, and colleagues. Date for fun and practice. Take more emotional risks. Read about relationships. Get relationship coaching. Take relationship classes and workshops.
8. Create a support community.
Isolated singles become lonely in their relationships when they focus on a partner to meet all their social and emotional needs.
9. Practice assertiveness.
To get what you really want, you need to say "No" to what you don’t want.
10. Be a "Successful Single."
Don’t put your life on hold waiting for a relationship to happen. Live your life vision and purpose while you are single. The best way to find your life partner is to be a happy, successful single person living the life that you really want.
check our our healing course
Below is a list of attitudes that I believe are important for singles to adopt to find fulfillment in life and relationships.
- I will be happy by having goals and letting go of attachment to outcomes
- I strive to live and “be” in the present
- I love, accept, and trust myself
- I focus on connecting, not results; a partner is someone to love, not an object or goal
- I strive to be authentic; being fully honest with myself and others, aligning my words, values and actions
- I strive to live my life with intentionality; making choices conscious of my goals and consequences
- I strive to take the necessary risks, overcome my fears, and stretch my comfort level to reach my goals
- I assume abundance; all the opportunities and resources that I need will appear
- I take responsibility for my outcomes by taking initiative in my life and relationships
- What others judge about me is about them; I strive to let go of what others think and not take it personally.
check our our healing course
I know that there time for everything. There is a time to eat, work, cry and when it’s time to sleep, go to bed and sleep. I think about these things every day. I say it to myself, to my friends, my family, my clients etc that no matter what I may be going through, when it’s time to sleep, I must sleep. At first it was very difficult but as time goes on, it is now my new norm.
I refused to be distress about a situation for more than 30 minutes. Thinking or worrying about a situation will not change. What makes the situation change is my actions. If I have to think, I spend my time thinking about my escape route and take the shortest route possible.
I meditate daily by spending time to slow it all down.
I start my day with gratitude and end with gratitude. When I get excited about my day, something amazing happens to me. It has a positive effect on my body which allows me to be what I want to be.
I run away from things that irritate me or things that takes me away from expressing my best self.
I pay attention to what I watch, and only watch things that add value to my life.
I surround myself with people that hold me accountable , people that I learn from and people that will allow me to grow. I am aware that growth is not meant to be easy but it is fantastic as it allows me to be whoever I want to be.
I refused to be victim and I refuse to make excuses about why I can’t do something.
I am a high performer and I refuse to compare with anyone. Whatever I do, I do it to the best of my ability. If I am not comfortable it is because I am growing.
When I take care of myself first, I show up to most people in a powerful way.
Check our healing course here
What are some of the ways you show up fearlessly everyday?
I stopped being hard on myself
I stopped accepting labels other people were giving me. I decided to stop allowing my self worth be connected to what other people thought. That is their view. I stopped accepting their lies and connected to my inner truth. I decided it was my view that was most important. That's when my life changed and I released the toxic people in my life. Whom were so poisonous they wished me dead. These people were determined that I was not going to make it without being in a relationship with them. But I thrived once I released what was no longer serving my highest good.
I stopped wasting time with the wrong people
The greatest decision of my life was to stop wasting time with the wrong people. I separated myself from the people who were not adding good into my life, and separated myself from those who added nothing but negative energy and drama. I made a conscious choice to no longer care if they spread lies or talked badly of me. I knew the truth. My inner truth set me free. I consciously chose to leave behind what did not serve my highest good. I refused to give in when they tried to get a foot back into my life, and I kept the door closed. I very deliberately and consciously stopped wasting time with the wrong people.
I got connected to people who pushed me to the next level
Once I chose to stop giving my time to the wrong people, I purposed to surround myself with others who where chasing their dreams, who were living their lives with purpose, who would in turn encourage me and push me as I strived to live my life purpose. See, the pain of my past connected me to my future. I learned what my values were. I felt confident in who I was because I started listening my inner truth. I now approach people with confidence and have become an influencer. I use the pain of my past to empower others today. You can too.
I learned my value
It's easy to feel your life is a mistake when you experience so much pain. It's easy to feel worthless because of the circumstances you may be in at the moment. I know it was for me. However, as I learned to listen deeper to my inner most self & my inner truth, I understood something profound; everything happens for a purpose. I know that can be hard to accept when the circumstances are so bleak, but there are no mistakes. My birth is not a mistake. I was not created by a mistake. My life has value. Even the pain of my past has value for the lessons it has taught me. I learned to value myself in a way I never had before. I have found when I don’t value myself, no one will value me. When I know my value and treasure it, so do others.
Check our healing course here
I will like to know what you think about the above 4 points and what are some of the other ways you've kicked toxic people out of your life?
So, what is coaching?
In short, it’s a collaborative process, in which I help you define, speak out loud, and strategically move toward what you really want in life. I will help you find success as you define it - and deserve it!
How will you help me do that? Bringing to our relationship my personal, professional and educational experience allows me to utilize many skills in our work together.
· I listen to you - not for judgment but for understanding
· I ask questions that allow you to think in new and revealing ways
· I motivate, encourage and support you every step of the way
· I share resources that will assist you and provide good information
· I help you reveal, define and then focus on your true passions and dreams
· I co-create a supportive structures and environments in your life - ones you can count on
· I hold you to your inner highest standard - accountable to your personal best!
Who uses a coach?
Individuals, families, small companies, large corporations and....you! Coaching is found in every industry and situation you can imagine. Life provides an abundance of circumstances, coaching provides and abundance of support.
Successful coaching clients typically have just a few factors in common-
1. They are willing to ask questions and challenge perceptions.
2. They are willing to reveal the truth, learn from it and take action.
3. They have a vision, although frequently clouded, of a better life.
4. They are highly functioning, intelligent people with a desire to realize their best.
It is important that you find a life coach who can help you get the results you are looking for. That’s why my coaching is about helping you take control, to becoming pro-active and empowered to take full charge of your life.
How long should I expect to need a coach?
The average amount of time clients keep their coaches varies based by client and situation. I request a 90-day minimum commitment from my clients. I find it allows their success to evolve more effectively since our relationship has some time to grow. One of my definitions of success is when we end our relationship! Of course, that's because you’ve finally got less of, and more of, the things you want - we’ve succeeded. And most importantly, you’ve got the skills to keep it that way.
What types of things do I work on with you as my coach? What you want - What you need. I define it as having less and having more.
Fear / Frustration / Boredom / Resentment / Disappointment / Doubt / Confusion / Overwhelm / Indecision / Exhaustion / Emotional and Financial Bankruptcy
Joy / Hope / Confidence / Balance / Abundance / Peace / Energy / Motivation / Clarity / Action / Time / Fun / Productivity / Freedom / Courage / Money
Seriously, can you really do all that? No, not without you! This isn’t a get the “Cliff Notes” to happiness program; it’s more like a gym. I’m your personal trainer and I provide the equipment and the environment for you to succeed. You have my resources and training at your disposal - BUT - it’s up to you to use them. We share the responsibility of this journey together. I will hold you accountable to your word, and remind you we're in this together!
Coaching will enable you to move your life forward by helping you achieve a deeper understanding of your present situation, so you can make informed decisions congruent to your values, helping you achieve the fulfilment and happiness you deserve
So, my answer is yes - passionately, wildly, YES, we can do all that and more!
What kind of resources are you talking about?
I have a treasure trove of goodies in addition to our regular coaching sessions, like - Program Homework, Assessments Tests, Reading, Referrals, Writing Exercises, Drawing, Puzzles and Action Assignments. We’ll select what’s best for you, and in the end, probably use them all!
How do we do this coaching thing?
One of the greatest testaments to the power of coaching is it’s powerfully effective in many mediums. Some coaches have local “face to face” practices and some do speaking tours. Corporate coaches often go on site to deliver their programs. Many coaches have international practices sustained entirely via phone, fax and e-mail. I utilize several methods to best serve my clients needs, but most often it's as easy as picking up the phone!
Take the first step towards living the life you truly want by getting in touch.
Akeh Bernardine (BSc Social Sciences, Certificate course in Family focused practice, Life & Relationship Coach and Women’s Leader) is the creator of “Healing relationship wounds”a 6 weeks online course. To date, AK has empowered and coached many women to live an an authentic life full of happiness, abundance and riches.
Check the healing course
I do what I was created to do by helping women discover their purpose for life, support in resolving relationship issues with the view of building wealth for themselves.
I am genuine to my brand, mission and values. I am honest and transparent.
We are in this together
Each and every woman matter. I have empathy and I know I can’t do any of this alone.
I am grateful for everyone that is part of this movement. I do not take success for granted for supporting any woman in unmuting their inner self to reveal the beauty, luxury, riches, joy, peace, etc that lies within.
I will not settle, until I see that I have helped shaped the lives of many women who do not know their purpose, women.
There are so many women , I have come across is terrible situations, and finding it difficult barely to continue with life. If you could support by donating , then it will be possible to touch these women's life.